


100 Days Until The End

by DasHappen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First work - Freeform, I don't know, M/M, Multi, Other, there's a scene with rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-03 06:03:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6599683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DasHappen/pseuds/DasHappen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's journal as he tells a story about his and Dean's relationship. None of this is set in the show's world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	100 Days Until The End

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work and if you like it or have any ideas or opinions, please tell me

11/14  
dean,  
it’s been three days since i’ve seen you. last i saw you were doing lines of coke at makenzi’s party. my therapist says i’ll get better if i write fake letters to the ones i love. i don’t see why this would help anyone. i just get sadder and sadder when i realize i’m alone right now. everytime i pass by your house, now so empty, i think the same thing:  
why wasn’t i there for him?  
i don’t know why i chose you as the one i love. i don’t know why i thought this would ever help.  
i’ll write tomorrow.  
love,  
sam.

11/17  
dean,  
i saw you today. you were standing next to her. the way you looked at her is the way you used to stare at me. i went home and cut. i hope she made you happy.  
sam

11/23  
dean,  
your girl keeps snickering at me when she sees me in the halls. i haven’t slept for the past 6 days wondering what you told her. i’ve told you so many things in confidence.  
remember when we were close? remember when we used to sneak out and meet each other on the streets no matter how cold it was? i remember. i remember climbing down and out my window with my dumb beanie on that you bought me snugly on my head and my jacket up to my ears. you were standing on the other side of the street looking adorable with the snow gently falling on your hair, leaving little cold freckles all over your nose and you hugged me tightly, whispering all the stuff that happened as we stood out in the dark, cold night for an hour until my teeth began chattering and you snuck me into your house for hot chocolate. that was when we were 12. i miss that.  
you keep avoiding my eyes in the halls. please look at me.  
bye..  
sam.

11/24  
dean,  
ever since we stopped talking, i’ve been skipping my third hour just so i wouldn’t see you. today is the first day i’ve been because the nurse kicked me out and says i can’t go in there unless i’m dying or about to throw up. the class just started and you keep drawing attention to me and it’s making me mad. everything i do, you make the whole back row laugh at me for it and i can’t see why. i dropped my pencil and there was a roar of laughter. i don’t see why you hate me.  
we were paired together. mr. melick says we used to work so well together. now look where we are. i keep writing stuff down in here and you’re giving me dirty looks. can you read what i’m writing? can you see what i wrote?  
you’re trying to talk to me.  
“hey, sam…”  
i don’t answer.  
“sam??” you sound worried.  
“what?” i snap at you.  
“i miss you..” you say. sincerity leaks out of your mouth, dripping onto the linoleum floors.  
i don’t believe you.  
i reply “ok” and continue working on the lab. my grade is an F in this class. i’m not going to be distracted by your heavenly smile or your canyon-deep dimples…  
i have to go  
sam

12/1  
dean,  
i haven’t written in a while. not like you care. just, you know, updating you. i began cutting again. it feels nice to feel something. you’ve been nicer to me. i haven’t been nice to you. i don’t know why. i guess i don’t feel like you deserve it. i’ve also taken up drinking because of you. not because i want to get rid of the pain. i just remember how happy you were when the sinful bottle touched your lips and how the excuse “i’m drunk” got you out of everything. and maybe  
just maybe  
i’ll feel closer to you if i’m drunk  
sam

12/2  
dean,  
i haven’t realised it’s december until now. christmas is coming up. people are happier and the weather is colder. my mom keeps asking what i want for christmas. apparently your name isn’t a good answer. do you remember fourth grade? our stupid secret santa project in school? you had messed with the drawing so we’d get each other. i didn’t know you had done this and i wrote a little letter on how i was your secret admirer and i had gotten you the new game that you were dying to buy but it was out of your price range. (and out of the allotted price range we were given by $50) i wanted to give it to you for christmas but i didn’t want you to be all noble and give it back, and i spent three hours wrapping it and writing the letter for you so i didn’t want that to be wasted. i poured my heart and soul out for you in that letter and the day we opened them up in class, you looked straight at me. no one else noticed because they were too busy whining about how you had gotten a game but you looked straight at me. you mouthed the only three words that mattered at that time  
“i owe you”  
because those three words meant i could do whatever and we both knew that. i remember opening my present and it was that lunchbox. that lunchbox that i begged on my knees for but knew i was never going to get it because it was limited edition. that damn lunchbox was selling for 200$ and it was in my hands. i remember crying. i still have that lunchbox.  
i have to go  
sam

12/4  
dean,  
they’re doing a christmas dance. i keep having flashbacks of that one christmas and i want to write it down but all i’ve been writing is the past. that story will be another time. today your girlfriend came up to me and asked if i had a problem with her. i said no. some guy said i was weird and wasn’t worth anyone’s time anyway. it’s ok, i’ve been needing a reason to cut for a while. i did get asked to the dance by your old crush, michaela. she gave me a big bouquet and had a coy smile and she reminded me of you. i said yes. then she hugged me. she smells like holly and roses and poison. i want to write the story down. it’s edging on my lips and i want to tell but i can’t.  
maybe tomorrow  
sam

12/5  
dean,  
even though you already know this story, i’m writing it down so everyone knows the truth. three years ago, on december 23, i was staying the night at your house. or at least i was planning to, but i got called home. and even though you lived down the street, i was too scared to walk home on my own. it was dark. it was 4:30 and it was pitch black outside. i begged you to walk me home, so you did. i was wearing my flannel hat with the felt ear flaps and you were wearing my sweatshirt that i left over at your house a while ago. you said you kept it because it was like a constant hug from me. we walked down the road and i reached for your hand and you weren’t there. the street was empty. since i was 12, i didn’t have a phone and i didn’t know where i was. i stood in the street and cried. until..my dad showed up. he smelled of eggnog and bourbon and holly. he ran towards me. he grabbed me by my neck and dragged me home. i complained i was cold. he threw me in the shower, tearing my clothes off like a hungry animal. i was scared and confused and just sat there, limp, too scared to scream out for my mother. she was in the next room, feeding jess. my dad tore off my clothes and called me a slut. he bashed my head into the shower wall. my vision blurred and all i remember is him behind me, hurting me until he was done. he was done and he slapped me on my ass and said i was his toy.  
i can’t finish  
sam

12/7  
dean,  
it’s been two days since i last wrote to you. kinda miss it. this is my only grasp on you lately.  
there are rumours floating in the cesspool of useless high school gossip that you’re planning on running away. why you told anyone is none of my business but i want to talk to you about it like we used to. i wonder if you’re itching to talk to me like i you. you probably aren’t.  
sam

12/10  
dean,  
you cornered me after my gym class earlier. you skipped the last half of your chemistry class, and you made everyone leave and i don’t know how. even the stoners who sit down here and smoke their day away are gone. i was putting things away in my locker when you grabbed a hold of my shoulder and ripped me away from folding my clothes. you leaned in really close and looked me in the eyes. your breath smelled of her. your girlfriend. there was a hickey on your neck. i didn’t want to talk. i turned away.  
“sammy, please talk to me.”  
i cringe. the last time you used that nickname is when i kissed you.  
“what are you doing here?” i fold my gym shirt three times while i wait for your answer.  
“sam, run away with me.”  
i drop everything in my hands. my deodorant clatters to the ground, the only sound in this echo-filled hell.  
“why?”  
you begin to talk but stop. people walk in. it looks to be the dean and officer richards. they’re looking for you.  
you hide behind the large amount of lockers and the two ask me if i’ve seen you.  
i say i haven’t.  
you leave after they do.  
sam.

12/11  
dean,  
i notice you skip class more and more. the teachers search for you in the halls, but i bet you’re just getting high in the bathroom. i wish i could join you but i don’t want to bother you. while i was walking from my fifth hour, your girlfriend came up to me.  
“are you sam” it’s supposed to be a question but it sounds like a demand, and she glares at me while snapping her gum and twirling her hair. she’s a cliche in itself.  
i tell her that i am, in fact, sam.  
“are you in love with my boyfriend?” she asks as she bats her thick eyelashes. it’s obvious she’s used to getting her way.  
before i have a chance to answer, the bell rings.  
i want to say yes.  
sam.

12/14  
dean,  
you haven’t been to school in three days. well, not counting the last half of school you skipped the last time i wrote to you. i think you finally ran away. i really wanted to go with you. i wanted to live dangerously with you. i guess not.  
sam.


End file.
